So. I'm taking a break.

It's been a good while, since my last update, and right now, I don't really feel the dire need to update, but here goes anyway.

Progress: Not that great, not that bad. Silent Hill 5-wise. Could've been better, if I didn't have to piss in my pants every five minutes or so. Been bothered, but still, I have to play. Do note, have to. For what reasons?

First, I enjoy having a good scare. Ha, I'm a sucker.
Err, the graphics are just amazing. Surreal, but amazing, at the same time. No, it's not like the ridiculous amount of fog that you get on your screen like in the earlier games. It's just eerie, and the sad thing about that is, I feel so uncomfortable sitting down, and actually playing it. Jeez.
One thing I hate: The creepy sound loops. OK, so we hear children laughing in the background. Highly discordant, since the atmosphere, in general, is bloody (Not the British bloody. Just bloody.) dark. And you kind of hear this kid laughing, humming, whatnot. OK, kiddo. Just shut up.
Overall, it's a good game. But the endings do not quite meet my expectations. Come on, what am I to do with a 40-second ending movie? I literally laughed until my eyes kind of popped themselves out of their sockets. Amazing game, stupid ending. How stupid.
Great installment. I'm not sleeping for a while.

Hey. I feel really grand today. Why? OK, it's like this. The controls were somehow inverted. With the game being from Uncle SAm, and my system from Asia, well. O and X buttons are a mess. Same with [Insert Triangle here] and [Insert Square here]. So blah. I mean, I'm mashing at the X, supposedly the action key, and boom. I get a sideroll. Whop-de-do.

So. Enough gaming.

Today is an OK day, for those who care. I came around to some realizations, perhaps far too grave for me to accept, but for now, I'll just try to go and play some more Silent Hill: Homecoming. Either that, or I'll be Soul Caliburing, since I'm just four characters away from beating the entire story mode crap.

A real update, coming soon. Be patient.

Much love,
Hristo.

As easy as it seems. I'll never get what I really want. No matter how hard I try.

I guess we're simply two worlds apart, huh?

I couldn't count the many sinful things I want to do with you, to do to you. The thought itself is too much for me to bear.

Heh. I could only do so much, as to hope.

Ho-hum. Tired. Exhausted. Yet my mind races, still. I hope I don't end up like Heath Ledger. Of course, I wouldn't really mind.

What have I accomplished today?

Hi, Ate Cheska! I'm really sorry about today. Hehe. Let's take it easy, for now. No rush. Deadline's not until the 22nd, and that's still a long way to go. Tally, when we get around in school. I mean, how bad could it get?

I still can't get over this day. I had so much fun. Kids. Well, I still think they are kids, and it would be alright for me to address them as such. I guess. Even I consider myself as a kid.

Children. Are. Just. Magical.

We did it for the LOLZ. The magic dragon frolicked on the candy field. Haha. The fantabulous acorn thing is stuck in my head.

Oh. The unreachable dream. OK, enough. It's all too much for me.

Thanks, Ate Cheska! You're the greatest! Haha. UBE again, on Monday. By the way. I got the feedback from my sister's class. And they really liked you. They were actually scheming. Wanting to touch your hair. Heh. And that's a really good thing.

"Magtanong ka nga, para mahawakan ko yung buhok niya." Haha. And someone went close enough for a feel when we had that shot taken. Wow.

Synergistic would be one way of putting it. I liked how this morning went. Ate Cheska's just great. Thanks, again.

So much for that.

I dozed off in the car. I had some few zzz's when I got home. And I woke up. Just for the heck of it. But really, I was bothered. I felt like playing Silent Hill. But I restrained myself from doing so. Why? Because I had no one to play it with. I mean, yeah. Soloed the house for a while. Dentist appointment wasn't really finished until much later of the day.

So my sister. Has. Halloween. Braces. And that's cool. Too orange for me, but what the heck. Not my teeth.

I did away with just watching the Silent Hill endings. Freaked out. Lol'ed at the first one's endings. Not that great. Not creepy. Just amazingly hilarious.

So. I'm burning it up. Or something. Camming. Again. What's new? I think I'm a whore, but that's nothing new. Singing. Actually, croaking, and just chillaxing. This shot is a screen of yours truly, that's shot my a friend on the other line.

It's not like it's my fault I'm such a camera whore. It's not like I like the camera, but I enjoy giving live shows, and whatnot. Haha. First session's always free, you know?

It's just a preview of what's to come.

No, really.

Alright, so my day, has been productive. It helped keep my mind off the things I'm supposed to think over. I'm still not over many things, but today, I could breathe. At least, easier, as compared to yesterday.

I listened to this a while back, I ignored it. I even despised it.

Initial thought: What an entirely dumb song.

But now, it feels as if... I want to feel this way. At least for once.

---

I know that you've been waiting for it,
I'm waiting too.
In my imagination I'd be all up on you.
I know you got that fever for me,
Hundred and two.
And boy I know I feel the same,
My temperature's through the roof.

If there's a camera up in here,
Then it's gonna leave with me,
When I do.
If there's a camera up in here,
Then I'd best not catch this flick,
On YouTube.
'Cuz if you run your mouth and brag,
About this secret rendezvous,
I will hunt you down.
'Cuz they be all up in my business,
Like a Wendy interview.
But this is private.
Between you and I.

Touch my body,
Put me on the floor,
Wrestle me around,
Play with me some more.
Touch my body,
Throw me on the bed.
I just wanna make you feel,
Like you never did.
Touch my body.
Let me wrap my thighs.
All around your waist.
Just a little taste.
Touch my body,
Know you like my curves.
Come on and give me what I deserve,
And touch my body.

Boy you can put me on you,
Like a brand new white tee.
I'll hug your body tighter,
Than my favorite jeans.
I want you to caress me,
Like a tropical breeze.
And float away with you.
In the Caribbean Sea.

If there's a camera up in here,
Then it's gonna leave with me,
When I do.
If there's a camera up in here,
Then I'd best not catch this flick,
On YouTube.
'Cuz if you run your mouth and brag,
About this secret rendezvous,
I will hunt you down.
'Cuz they be all up in my business,
Like a Wendy interview.
But this is private.
Between you and I.

Touch my body,
Put me on the floor,
Wrestle me around,
Play with me some more.
Touch my body,
Throw me on the bed.
I just wanna make you feel,
Like you never did.
Touch my body.
Let me wrap my thighs.
All around your waist.
Just a little taste.
Touch my body,
Know you like my curves.
Come on and give me what I deserve,
And touch my body.

I'm a treat you like a teddy bear,
You won't wanna go nowhere.
In the life of luxury.
Baby just turn to me.
You won't want for nothing boy,
I will give you plenty joy.

Touch my body.
Put me on the floor.
Throw me on the floor.
Wrestle me around.
Play with me some more.
Touch my body.
Throw me on the bed.
I just wanna make you feel.
Like you never did.
Touch my body.
Let me wrap my thighs.
Let me wrap my thighs, around your waist for just a little taste.
All around your waist.
Just a little taste.
Touch my body.

---

Everything I feel, every little thing I could like to say. Touch my body.

A note on the strikethrough. I guess, when that time comes, I wouldn't be afraid. I wouldn't be afraid of what people would say. I wouldn't really care. It doesn't matter to me, what other people would say. So why the hell would I hunt you down?

I'd be the happiest person, then. I don't really want much. I want something real, someone loving, someone who'd see me, in my best, and even in my worst.

Believe me. Believe me, when I tell you I'd take you under my wing. I'll make you feel like I never did. You'll never feel alone. You'll never feel betrayed. You'll never feel abandoned.

I guess I love you that much. But take your time. Take all the time you need. After all, there's no real rush. The only thing I could do, is watch you from afar.

A secret rendezvous sounds just about right, right now.

The thing is. We're going nowhere.

---------------------------------------
Edit:
OK, so I still have that song on my head. But here. I'm actually doing the lyrics, so it'll be a sing-song thing for the people out there. This is definitely going to my iPod, as soon as it gets fixed. Haha.

Sorry, it's not yet quite done.

Being the hubristic bastard that I am, I fear that, despite how I seemed, at the back of my mind, I had always longed to break you. To crush you. To see you vulnerable.

You used to be happy. Without a care. Pretty much laid back. Oblivious, even.

There are times I wondered why I wished for such. But it all had to stop, when things turned for what I thought was the better. What I had hoped for had taken shape into your reality.

And now, you force a pout. Failure in epic proportion. A meager attempt to guise that façade of a smile that you show everyone.

And now, I suddenly wanted to fix you. To make things better.

It seems like you've been broken all along.

As much as I would hate to admit it, I am, like the rest of you, human.

Human, in the sense that, I feel, albeit a lot less than most. Human, in the sense that I need that little pushing. Just enough to keep me happy. Just enough to make me feel needed. Just enough to let me know that my existence is not futile, and that at least to one person, I matter.

It's been the longest while, since I felt like crying. But I held back the tears. My frustration isn't worth it. Someday, my anger will subside. One of these days, I'll grow out of every bit of emotion, I currently possess.

None of which are positive, anyway.

It's about time, I gave it much thought. Enough thought for me to at least reconsider my reservations. I feel bad, yes, but that doesn't mean I have to be sad about it.

Angry. Just angry. I feel humiliated. I feel ridiculed. I feel so small. Not exactly a bad one, it's bound to come every now and then. But give me some liberty to do what I want, and how I want.

I feel betrayed. But I shouldn't be expecting anything in the first place.

But hey. It already happened. Alright. So lesson learned. Should I make that same mistake? Perhaps. I am a very trusting person.

O-kay. Let's see. Drawbacks, drawbacks? For one, I wouldn't like it. Especially since I've come as far as having to revamp my entire perception of people.

A long time ago, I had my hopes crushed. By the people I least expected to betray me. For everyone's sake, I chose to walk away. And never look back.

That is why I hate dealing with people.

No matter what the case, they'll find a way to hurt you, consciously or unconsciously. I hate it when people do it, deliberately.

Deliberately. Again and again.

My sin is Pride.

As of now, I really feel like just closing my eyes. And never open them again. We'll see how this goes.

Tonight, I commit myself to drinking this beer, for a better, not-so-sober tomorrow.

Might as well down everything with some Carlsberg.

I'll be OK, I promise.